boy oh boy oh boy

you wanna know the best thing about this whole blog thing? its that i can come and go as i please. No schedule no obligations, the choice is all mine. but anyways back to why i'm here. i have this issue with guys. i mean they're cute and all, but its like i'm only  attracted to them to a certain extent. because i'm soo hung up on this one guy from middle school. ( i'm in high school btw)  its like i'll talk to a guy for about a week, then lose interest. because this guy i met in middle school is one of the most beautiful people I've ever met. not beautiful as in looks (although he did meet that criteria) it his soul i'm so attracted to. which i know sounds like a corny romantic show, but its true. everything about him is so admiring. from the way he talks to the way he views the world. all of it has this unique beauty to it. and when you attend the kind of high school i attend, its hard to find someone like him. i mean yeah, ill come across someone nice or sweet every once in while, but none of them are him. Now don't get it twisted I'm not usually the type to chase after a guy. but for him id run all day long. I've tried expressing myself to him but every time i start talking my words come out as if i'm some kid with Tourettes. And its kind of weird you know? Because me in this guy used to be super close back in our middle school days. now were merely friends.hes in a relationship and i'm here, writing about him on a blog he'll never see. People always tell you "once you get to high school everything will change. your friends, your body, even you". well about 80% of that is true. i just wish that my feelings for this guy were apart of that 80%. *sigh* fml, And guess whats makes this all worse. go ahead take a fucking guess. yup your'e right. He's happy as can be, hes having the time of his life. And i haven't even mentioned the irony of it all. once me and him stopped talking in middle school, i told myself i would never think about him again. then BOOM! freshman year of high school there he was. now i knew he would be going to the same school as me, i just didn't think i would have to share 3 whole classes with him. then of course the feelings started to come back. all the hard work i had done to not care about him. it was like an alcoholic relapsing after being sober for 8 months. Now i'm a sophomore and just like freshmen year, i still have classes with him. i'm not a homewrecker so i don't even try to express myself to him anymore. because that would be being selfish. telling him how i feel knowing he's in a healthy relationship. but then again, its not like if  i told him that he would leave his girl from me anyways. i'm not really the "leave my girl for her" type. but that's fine & dandy, because next year (11th grade year) will be my year. my come up is about to be crucial. until then i'm just going to continue to lurk in the shadows like a nobody.

*side note* the fake name i'll use for this guy will be "john" as in John Doe.

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