i leave this to you

so today i woke up to some bad news. And you know what, i wasn't even surprised. because everything bad always happens to me. no matter how much positivity i put out into the world, i just get ambushed with bad luck. im really getting tired of this. then on top of that, when i try & contact my "friends" to discuss the matter, no one's  phone seems to be in service. funny huh? well im going to start doing the same. actually scratch that. i wont stoop to the levels of my demons. no matter how hard i try i cant seem to be the bad person that people are to me. its just not in me. but one day i will end it all. maybe with a slit. or maybe with a pill bottle. but either way i will end my suffering on this disgusting excuse of a planet. and then they will call me. trying to get a hold of me. leaving countless voicemails, asking if it's true. " are you really dead?"  " pick up the phone" they'll say. but the only response they will get is the o...

Today's blog is going to be a hell of a post. I've recently discovered that having integrity is no longer a thing. my whole life i have been big on trust & respect. but i cant seem to find either of those things anymore. its like everyone i get close to betrays me. so today a friend, or shall i say friends, betrayed me. they did both of the two things i begged them not to do. DON'T LIE TO ME & DO NOT EVER DISRESPECT ME. but it seems like whatever you ask of people they do the exact opposite. so these friends of my sat down, in a circle, all ears, and entertained someone who was speaking bad about me. Now remember i am in high school. So yeah it wasn't like i was oblivious to the idea of something like this happening to me. i just didn't think it would happen by the few people i call friends. but that's what i do best. i look for the good in people. But that's not even the worst part. the thing is these "friends" who speak bad about me wo...

Juicy blog coming tomorrow. Would have posted today but ive been super busy. Goodnight lovebugs💗

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you wanna know the best thing about this whole blog thing? its that i can come and go as i please. No schedule no obligations, the choice is all mine. but anyways back to why i'm here. i have this issue with guys. i mean they're cute and all, but its like i'm only  attracted to them to a certain extent. because i'm soo hung up on this one guy from middle school. ( i'm in high school btw)  its like i'll talk to a guy for about a week, then lose interest. because this guy i met in middle school is one of the most beautiful people I've ever met. not beautiful as in looks (although he did meet that criteria) it his soul i'm so attracted to. which i know sounds like a corny romantic show, but its true. everything about him is so admiring. from the way he talks to the way he views the world. all of it has this unique beauty to it. and when you attend the kind of high school i attend, its hard to find someone like him. i mean yeah, ill come across someone nice ...

so you guys know how there are those people who have everything in life planned out? then there's those who have nothing planned at all. they just wing their way thru everything, & still manage to look cool doing so. well i don't seem to fit into either of those categories. its like i'm not chill enough to just wing all of the important decisions, but i'm still not serious enough to plan something thoroughly and go thru with it. it seems like the only group my mind wants to be apart of is the "overthinking" group. which is why my life is just a consistent list of regrets. from love to pain. BUT THAT ALL ENDS NOW. lmaooo just kidding we all know that whole "this ends now" shit only works in the movies. but on a serious note i do want to change. which is why i picked up a new relaxing method known as  "BUDDHISM"  Now before you start labeling me as some hippie, please note i'm only doing for stress purposes. I  read that medita...

  welcome to my personal blog.If your here right now that means your either A: one of my friends reading this because i left it in my will. or B: some total stranger who is about to read one of the most tangled,agonizing , audacious stories they've ever came across in their life. But no matter who you are, everyone deserves to be heard. This is your chance to hear me, friend or foe. have a look around.Oh & also be sure to leave comments i'd love to hear your opinions & advice. ps.. everything on my blog is 100% the truth. this is not a book.  this is my life. i post daily